Chicken Soup for Your Soul

A question that i often ask to myself is, why can't i be selfish once in a while? I do remember that lazy is a part of being selfish but selfish is never lazy. Lazy is lazy, but selfish is to spend a time without any responsibility, at least, that's what it means to me. 

This one particular question seems to pop up when i'm at my most vulnerable, where tiredness, sleepiness, and hard stream of thoughts came rushing all at once into your head. Or at times when i don't have the slightest desire to face an obstacle ahead of me.

I know that it's a sign of cowardice. I believe i was only searching for a reason not to do something about it. But obstacles are here for a reason, either it's for practice or to strengthen yourself for more to come. 

Then this question popped up. 'can the time stop for a while so that i can rest?' 

Then i told myself, 'the time never waits for anyone.'

It's like an endless dialog in my head. Around and around. The conversation occurs every time i whine to myself, every time i feel so very tired, and sleep was the only thing i have in my head. 

If you noticed, my older posts were mostly about me crying for help, whining and asking how to motivate myself. Only now that i realized i was simply wasting my time. No one is ever going to give a hand to you to pull you up whenever you're down. The only one who can do that is yourself, only you who can make yourself feel better. 

I think that is a tiny part of trying to know yourself. Sometimes it's good to have a dialog with yourself in your head. Then you will know what you really want and you can sort things out. 

I will stop writing my excuses now. In two days i have a second try out and i don't even know how badly it'll be. I'm sure it'll be bloody for sure, and sweaty, definitely. A try out certainly does drain your energy. 

'sometimes i just want to disappear' 


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