What should I do?

Hi, here I am again. You know me, whenever things are hard, I will always go here to rest my mind a little. I'm not complaining or anything, just trying to think a little better by writing this down. There has been a lot of incidents over these past few months. And I'm NOT just talking about my missing handphone incident, another incident regarding handphone, and the car incident that just happened today, BUT I'm adressing the overall 'make-me-cry' incidents that happened all through my 19 years of breathing, chewing, pooping life.

The fact is, I'm not an adult yet, and I don't know how an adult handle his/her life. Here, I'm wondering if what I'm doing now should stop. If ever I was wrong about how to live my life, how would I know if no one never told me, or corrected me.  The thing is, I've been thinking a lot about my childhood years and how much I want to go back to those careless days. But I'm approaching this sense of being an adult, and I wonder if I shouldn't have these flashbacks and just move on with my life. With my life, the 10 year old me and the 17 year old me have a completely different life. There are lots of children out there that have this kind of life, where nothing is permanent and consistent, and everything in the most unstable state. My life is slightly or even better and I know I should be grateful. But I admit that it is ever-so tiring to have to change yourself in order to survive. You can't help but go back to where it was all-good-nothing-to-worry point in your life. Does that make sense to you?

I do believe that Allah SWT is looking out for me. And everything happen for a reason. But as of now, I can't help to wonder where all of these things will take me and where I might end up in. This blindness is also a reason for me to constantly look back. And I wonder if Allah SWT is trying to tell me something... 

To sum it all up, I'm tired, really. Not as tired as my friends who have all these committee and organizational stuff, but I'm tired in my own way and I'm not going to apologize for not empathizing on them, because they don't know me. And I'm feeling as if I'm going around in circle and I should stop looking back in order to move on. 

What do you think I should do?


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