Under the Banner of Heaven

"Baper" is not the word for it. Where I come from, "baper" is used as a word to describe the exaggeration of feelings in our response of other people's actions to us. For example, when a guy friend you have is opening up the car door for you and you consider it as a flattering gesture, then people would say you are "baper", because you would think it as an affectionate gesture where maybe he and other people view it as a common good manner. But for what it's worth, "baper" is completely overrated and people use it too much as an excuse for having what they think as an unnecessary feeling. Feelings are actually pretty good things to have if you have a heart, people might be afraid of them for their hurtful consequences, but they come and go as a reminder to us that we can hurt other people with our words and actions as much as they can hurt us. They can sometimes provoke us to say the things we might regret, but more often, without them, we might lose the chance to open up to people that might not take us for granted. People that could use our friendship and affection. "Baper" makes it easy for us to simplify what we're feeling, making it easier to disregard what might be important for us to experience. 

Personally, I hate that word. For me, feelings don't come easily. Ever since I was a kid, I learn to only reveal what's necessary for other people to see and conceal what I think needed to kept hidden. So, growing up, I feel the need to appreciate what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it. But ever since the word "baper" became popular, people started to do the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do. This frustrates me more than I want to admit. 

Can you easily call it "baper" if I felt a certain happiness when I see the guy I have a crush on pay a little attention to what I'm wearing? No, because to me, what he thinks matter a lot more than what other people think. Can you easily call it "baper" if I get my hopes up when the guy I like bought me a cup of coffee? No, because when he cares for me, even for a little, means a lot more to me than what you guys think. Those are gestures that would make me think of the time we will have if we're virtually dating. I know that this is only in my head, but does that give you the justification to disregard what I'm feeling? Is it okay for you to think me delusional if what I'm feeling doesn't hurt anybody but me?