Fine on my own

Dropping by for a tiny drop of confession.

I've been selfish all my life with the people closest to me. Like a child, I put a certain expectation that they're going to always pay attention to me and what's going on in my life. And sometimes, when they do not reach that expectation, I retract myself from the relationship. I speak less of my heart and more of small empty talks. I push them away and shut myself again, fearing that they don't really care about me. This I did to probably a lot of my old friends.

In the case of a friend that I really hold precious; sometimes, I retract myself because I don't want to be selfish like that. I care about them more than I can admit, and when they get really busy, are troubled by so many things in their life, I find myself shutting myself out. I don't want to be something like another burden and I don't want to add another piece of their mind. And when I really find some troubles, I find myself really wanting to speak about them but ended up not doing it. Instead, I put a smile and try to be strong for that friend.

In this context, I'd be really bothered and depressed for as long as you can imagine. There would be a weight on my chest because there's just so many things inside. Bottled up and caged. And that is what's happening. DOT.

I'll be fine on my own. As always.


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