The Chain Questions

I'm right here sitting down on my bed in front of my computer, thinking and rewinding back my day. It's as if I'm watching a movie and I'm watching me but she's not me. I feel like it's someone else, a stranger. And now I'm wondering why I'm not writing this in my journal for only my eyes to see. But I guess the feeling is pretty universal.

Do you ever realize that we're constantly changing? Not one at a time, but all at once, and the only reason that you don't ever realize that you're changing is how slow the process is. Everyday, a little about your behaviour changed, maybe the words that came out of your mouth. For example, just yesterday you called a trash bin, a waste bin, and today you called it a trash can. That kind of slow process that gets really creepy whenever you noticed it, you know?

So now I'm trying to ask myself the most cliche question that I can think of. Who am I? And I can't even answer that question because it confuses me too much, thinking that who I am now is different than who I was two hours ago. I'm starting to think of the next question, the question that truly ever matters in this whole wide world full of questions. Who am I going to be next? And then, a whole bunch of things popped out in my head, one per ten milliseconds. An artist, a dentist, a doctor, a lawyer, a mangaka, a movie director, a reporter, a writer, and the list goes on.

And then I realized, I can't just say that I want to be a doctor when I already took my choice and enrolled in Surya University. I can't just say that I want to be something if the person I am now is making all the wrong choices (not bad choices, but wrong choices). So the earlier question, 'Who am I?', still weighed so much to direct the goal you choose. If it confuses you as much as it did to me, you can't really avoid that kind of question. Because who you are now, who you were seconds ago, and who you are going to be, is more connected than you could ever admit.

Think of it as a race, think where you're going to be in the next five years, and start your engine now. Now and then, ask yourself the question, who am i? If the answer doesn't go well with where you want to be or who you want to be in the next five years, hell, the next day even, then all you have to do is change even more than you constantly change daily. I know I make it sound easy, but please tell me that I make it at least a little bit simpler for you.  


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