15 Oktober 2010

Yesterday was the worst. The story begins on the 7-8th period . The rest of the class was heading to Language class to discuss about our play production. And the script wasn't even ready, so my scriptwriter team is planning on finishing the script today, which is Friday.

I told you before that Friday is the day to go to that science camp my mom forced me and my brother to go. To be honest, i was relieved, i didn't have to go to science camp. But the thing is now that i have to tell my mom.

So i told my mom after the play thing finished. My mom got mad instantly. I can't be selfish of course. I have to think about the greater good which is finishing the script as fast as possible so that we can practice the play sooner. This happened in the car people, my mom being mad and my brother crying.

I have to tell you something first. After my dad was gone, i eventually started to think that my mom have to take all the burden for her children. I know i'm mean and not being a good child, but please cut me some slack, i'm a teenager. What made me think that way is that my mom started to..kinda ignore us. My brother really needs help with his homework and studying and i'm totally not the one to do so, because i suck at teaching even though i'm smart. But yesterday totally woke me up but my pride is taking over me and i cannot tell my mom anything, all i know is that i have to say sorry and that's it.

This huge fight ended with i'm sorry from me and we didn't go to that camp after all, just my mom. But i know deep down my mom is still hurt by us, especially me. Part of me thinks that she was over reacting-another thing that you should know about me is that i go by the mind, not heart, i know i know it's a terrible way of thinking cuz you'll get cold and heartless. I was sorry and offered to go to this science camp again-practically i changed my mind obviously because of this fight. My mom didn't let us even though we changed our mind. She's being childish at this point, if you ask my opinion, but i guess not.

Oh and can you believe she called me careless and heartless, which i thought was true but how can you say that to your own daughter at the point where you're angry. So, at this day forward i'm planning to build myself mentally so that i can be prepared if i have a child, what i mean is that not to be a mom like my mom-sorry mom but i'm being honest here. I want to be a better mom, i will not have a mental breakdown in front of my children so they will know that i'm strong and perfectly capable of taking any critics and to build they're future. And if i lost my husband-i hope not- i will not depend on my children for support but my girlfriends, my parent, or anyone. I will keep my sanity and be fair to my children. I will not stand in their way of growing up and i will over think the problems their having so that we can solve it together.

that is my vow, signed...

Athena Syarifa